Pizza Cat Vending Machine Review: Hot, Bland, And Convenient

Last week, I finally traveled to New York City to visit the Kotaku office, hang out with the people who work there, and even meet up with some former staff. It was a great time! Had a blast visiting the city, and getting there was a breeze. However, getting home was a mess and involved me crashing in the Detroit Metro Airport for seven hours before heading home to Kansas City. But it wasn’t all bad news. While in the airport, I found a strange vending machine that dispenses hot personal pizza pies.

My wife and I landed in Detroit around midnight. After verifying our new tickets to Kansas City with the staff, we picked out a spot near our terminal and killed time until our flight. Once we had set up a home base in the corner of the seating area, not far from a bathroom, charging station, and water fountain, I decided to explore. I quickly stumbled upon a 24/7 area of the airport—mostly deserted at 1 a.m.—that was filled with different vending machines. It was the Pizza Cat machine that caught my eye.

I was hungry. And I didn’t want to eat more chips and jerky. I wanted something hot and tasty. So a big vending machine promising hot pizzas in five minutes made me excited. I wasn’t alone either. Before I could get to the machine, an older man with a large roller suitcase walked up to the Pizza Cat and began ordering a pizza. He then stepped back and watched. I did too. The machine hides what it does, but I was able to hear what sounded like a small motor and fan kick on.

About five minutes later, a cardboard box containing the man’s cheese pizza popped out of a slot. He turned around, looked at me, and then sort of shrugged as if to say, “Huh, this is weird.” I replied, “Weird, but hey, it’s pizza!” I must have startled him because he let go of his luggage, which fell to the floor with a loud thud, and in the process nearly dropped his newly acquired pizza. After I helped him get situated, he scurried off to eat his food.

Meanwhile, I repeated the process he’d just finished and used the large touchscreen to order a pepperoni pizza. Five minutes later, it popped out in a box. As I was grabbing it, another person, a younger man, slipped in behind me to toss away his pizza box. “Pretty good, actually!” he shared with me before leaving. I wasn’t so sure.

Sitting back down with my wife in the corner of the airport we’d picked out, I opened the box and found a small, very thin, and slightly greasy little pizza. It had a crispy crust and looked okay. But when I picked up a slice, it felt very soft and rubbery. Thankfully, it wasn’t chewy, but the bland dough and tiny amount of sauce were disappointing. The cheese was fine and the pepperoni slices spicy enough to help it not be a completely bland bit of food.  Still, after enjoying NYC pizza just a day before consuming this vending machine pizza, I wasn’t impressed.

Then again, being able to spend $13 to get a personal pizza whenever I want in the middle of an empty airport at 1 a.m. is nice. If you ever find yourself stuck in the Detroit Metro Airport overnight and crave some food, look for the Pizza Cat vending machine, lower your standards, and enjoy a hot pizza pie. Or something approximating a pizza.