Grieving Family Member Praised for ‘Ruining’ Grandparents’ Funeral

The story, posted to Reddit’s anonymous “Am I the A-Hole” forum, comes from a grandchild who hosted a service for both their grandmother and grandfather — only to then learn of another funeral being held by their mother, before causing a scene at the church for the latter.

Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.

AITA for ruining a funeral and potentially costing a lot of family members their jobs?

“My grandparents passed away recently. I followed the guidelines my grandma set up for her final event. Her Church, her burial plot, her casket and the same for my grandpa. I just didn’t expect for it to be a joint funeral,” OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”), who didn’t specify their age or gender, began.

While the joint service was well-attended by their grandparents friends and members of their church, no other family members showed up. “I wasn’t surprised, I hadn’t seen most of them in about 4 years,” wrote the grandchild.

“I had a great time with my grandparents friends and then I went back home and cried my heart out. I had been their sole caregiver and I didn’t know what to do without them,” they wrote, adding that they cared for the pair for 15 years, a job which “escalated” before their death.

While looking at their grandfather’s Facebook page after the initial funeral, OP discovered a group “flooded with activity” about another service — this one being hosted by their mother at her church. Per OP, their mother was asking for help “trying to get final expenses taken care of” for the funeral.

“I was stunned. Here was the woman I hadn’t spoken to since throwing her out of the house for stealing jewelry and upsetting grandma terribly by using her Alzheimer’s against her,” OP said, before revealing they went to the service organized by their mother.

“I went to the funeral my mother had planned and listened to the pastor and then my mother got up to talk. She told everyone how hard it was taking care of them and something inside me roared to life,” they wrote of their impromptu interruption. “I don’t remember everything I said, but it did include that she didn’t pay for anything for them, not their caskets, not their burial plots, not their cremation, nothing. I told everyone I put them to rest at the funeral grandma planned herself 4 days prior. I said she’d never paid for any of their care or even seen them for 4 years.”

While OP said they were “asked to leave,” a cousin later reached out with a lot of questions about what they said during the outburst. The cousin said OP’s mom “had been taking funds from the family for years” to “pay for” the grandparents’ care at a facility.

The cousin said the outburst also “got a lot of people in trouble because somewhere in the speech I shouted I had done it all alone for years without any help” — and many at the service had invited coworkers to the funeral after “[using] my grandparents as an excuse to get out of work.” The cousin explained, “By hearing my outburst they were now in trouble for lying as for the reasons to leave work or miss days.”

“I thought I was in the right, but now I’m doubting myself after so many cousins and family members are calling to tell me I handled it really poorly. AITA? Did I handle this badly? Everyone’s telling me I did,” they concluded their post.

The post generated more than 500 comments and 6K votes, before earning an official “Not the A-hole” label from Redditors. Nearly everyone praised OP for not only caring for their grandparents, but for taking a stand and “exposing” the “truth” about their mother.

“NTA. I’m honestly not entirely sure how you could have handled that better without being ignored. Your family members created these situations for themselves and now must deal with the consequences,” wrote one person, before reminding OP, “Be kinder to yourself, you’re grieving and will need some time to heal.”

“You told the truth. The truth exposed your mother’s hypocrisy and how she was scamming the family for money. It also exposed the scams of those who were pretending to care. The term for this is ‘poetic justice,’ and it was overdue,” wrote someone else.

Another comment read: “There’s an old saying my gran used to use: Sunshine is the best disinfectant. All you did was shine so brightly that the truth came out. It’s not your fault that the rest of your family turned out to be filthy liars when your light turned up.”

When someone else applauded their outburst and said they were going through a similar situation, OP did express some regret for doing it in front of strangers.

“I honestly don’t remember everything I shouted at them. I just know I let out everything in front of so many people I didn’t know or will ever know. I feel embarrassed for the lack of control I had on myself, usually I’m much more reserved and quiet,” they wrote. “I don’t know why it all poured out the way it did but when I started, I couldn’t stop.”

OP also said they thought their grandfather “would have been embarrassed” by the situation — but felt their grandmother “would have given them all a piece of her mind, then she would have told me that yelling wasn’t ladylike and I needed to stay calm. Bad people hate calm voices and level heads. One of her favorite sayings.”

Many people also wondered about the mother’s service in general, with the OP providing some additional details in the replies.

“There was no casket at her funeral, just a pair of pictures up at the front. I’m still confused on it myself why she was taking money for caskets when there wasn’t one present at the funeral itself,” they wrote. “The only signs of my grandparents at their own funeral were the two pictures up at the front, under the podium and a few posters of pictures from family members from 20-ish years ago or more.”

What do you think?