What better way to deck the halls than by celebrating TV’s best dialogue?
In our latest Quotes of the Week column below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you’ll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including “Brilliant Minds,” “Married to Medicine,” “Elsbeth,” “Landman,” “Dancing With the Holidays,” and “NCIS: Origins.”
Also featured in this week’s roundup: “Bob’s Burgers” advocates for a menu change, “Vanderpump Rules” gets inspired by “Wicked,” and Jimmy Kimmel thanks Donald Trump for all of his support this year. Plus, we’ve got a double dose of “Ghosts.”
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Rebecca Luther, Dave Nemetz, Kimberly Roots and Andy Swift)
ELSBETH
“Here, pull up this morning’s episode of ‘The Steve Trey Show.’ … Sports radio guy. Start at two hours and 13 minutes.”
“The show is longer than two hours? And people like that?”
Yep, Elsbeth (Carrie Preston), it would appear they do
DANCING WITH THE HOLIDAYS
“Most likely to bring their Mirrorball to a holiday party is…”
“Can’t be me. I’ve never won one. Never even sniffed one.”
Pro dancer Brandon Armstrong still has a Mirrorball trophy on his Christmas wishlist (but hey, he did get close to the win with Chandler Kinney!)
LANDMAN
“What, I’m driving you to smoke?”
“No, you’re driving me to suck freon out of the back of an AC unit. I’m settling for a cigarette.”
Angela (Ali Larter) and Tommy (Billy Bob Thornton) engage in their love language: frustration and insults
BOB’S BURGERS
“Why do we call them menus? Why don’t we call them wo-menus?”
“Yeah, Dad, you sexist pig!”
Louise (Kristen Schaal) may have been joking, but that doesn’t make Gene (Eugene Mirman) any less of an ally to women everywhere
VANDERPUMP RULES
“Ariana Grande grew up in the neighborhood next to me, and she made it big really young. So, like, why not me? We grew up going to the same mall, we grew up eating the same Italian food. Trattoria Romano. Like, we are literally putting the same stuff into our bodies, so the same sounds are coming out of our bodies.”
Aspiring singer Natalie has a formula for success, thanks to a “Wicked” star
BRILLIANT MINDS
“I’m Nico. I was one of your nurses when you were here. I assisted with your lumbar puncture.”
“The Rat King!”
“I prefer ‘short king,’ but OK! And if you do decide to stay, you and I can binge-watch my favorite prima ballerinas: ‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.'”
Nico (Al Calderon) uses humor and housewives to soothe dancer-with-PTSD Juliette (Casimere Jollette), who’s hallucinating that he’s the villain from “The Nutcracker,” into spending a night at the hospital to deal with her trauma
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
“According to Google, for the year 2025, I was the third most trending person in the world… And I just want to say, I couldn’t have done this — none of this would ever have happened — without the support of loyal viewers like President Trump, who has done so much this year to raise awareness of our show.”
MARRIED TO MEDICINE
“It’s like Jesus! When you walk in that room—”
“Please don’t blasphemy—”
“This isn’t blasphemy! What person hasn’t walked in that room, where they’ve not said [angelic choir sounds] and just smiled. That’s what you would do in the presence of Jesus! No?”
Eugene disagrees with Toya on the holiness of her new closet
GHOSTS
“And the order for the new dishwasher has been placed, which is the least exciting thing I’ve ever spent money on.”
“My dishwasher slept with my husband, so quit your complaining!”
Hetty (Rebecca Wisocky) continues to surprise us (and the rest of the mansion) with how very… unique her past life was
GHOSTS (Bonus Quote!)
“I miss drinking.”
“Right?! A cocktail and some of my roommate’s ADHD pills? Pretty nice little Tuesday!”
Sounds like Trevor (Asher Grodman) always knew where to secure the party favors
NCIS: ORIGINS
“Dominguez, you were a lady marine. Let’s work that angle.”
“Remember what I taught you, Mike? You don’t say ‘lady marine’ or ‘woman marine.’ We’re just marines.”
“Right, but I’m asking you to get inside the lady marine’s head.”
Franks fails to fully grasp Lala’s brief lesson in feminism
