With the The Daily Show Presents: President Trump’s Second First 100 Days: An Incredible 100 Days With Zero Disturbance, Jon Stewart began his segment this week by crawling out from behind his desk with an unkempt, Gandalf-length beard.
“It’s officially been a 100 days of Donald Trump,” he said, wearily and laconically. “I’m so tired. It’s aging this nation in Tom Hanks’ Castaway years.”
After playing a highlight reel of the late-night show’s special edition coverage, he emerged sans beard: “I was kidding! Energy! Imagine me with a white beard,” he quipped, immediately grimacing upon realization.
Beginning with President Donald Trump’s abysmal approval rating, Stewart joked, “He doesn’t care. He’s not afraid of being underwater because he’s equipped with a flotation unit protective accessory, or a FUPA. Look it up.” (The audience already caught his drift, bursting into laughter, as Stewart referenced the medical term “fatty upper pubic area.”)
The political comic then tackled Trump’s effect on the economy, playing a clip from the campaign trail in which the GOP leader promised a “brand-new Trump economic boom” upon his second term.
“Unfortunately, I do think it’s pretty clear that on the economy, Donald Trump did make a boom-boom,” Stewart said in his best newscaster voice, before transitioning to a mocking baby-talk tone, “He made a little boom-boom, a little pain. Aw, did Trump go boom-boom?”
Speaking to how POTUS has profited since the assumption of Trump 2.0, Stewart went in on Amazon’s reported $40 million acquisition of a new Melania Trump documentary.
“Ah! The free market,” he began. “But seriously, $40 million for a documentary about Melania Trump? No offense, I’m sure she’s an interesting person, but PBS made the entirety of the Ken Burns Civil War series for $3.5 million. Shoah was $3 million; obviously they wanted 4, but they still got a good price. The entirety of the Planet Earth series, 11 episodes, was less than that: $25 million. And I know Melania is a mysterious and private woman, but I guarantee you don’t have to wait outside her house for weeks at a time hoping to catch a rare nocturnal feeding on a striped South American toad.”
Naturally, Stewart also addressed Pope Francis’ death, which came shortly after he met with Vice President JD Vance.
“Jessica Diane Vance, what did you do to this man? This pope has literally touched lepers. He drank sewage water in slums and survived all of it. 10 minutes! 10 minutes talking with JD Vance and the pope is like, ‘God, check please,’” Stewart said. “‘I’ve been celibate 88 years, this is the longest 10 minutes of my life.’”
Stewart concluded his segment by ridiculing Trump’s comments of having “leverage” in the trade war and his overly capitalist approach to running the country, arguing that the upper hand actually belongs to “we the people.”
“It took the people 250 years of striving to live up to a constitutional republic and rule of law, painstaking equity that you are squandering. That is the crux of American exceptionalism. You just want to make us great. That’s a downgrade. Our brand is not ‘strategic uncertainty‘ and you are not the keeper of our ‘pot of gold.’ You are a temporary leprechaun,” he said, to audience cheers.
He added, “So if I could just put this in negotiating terms you can understand: all caps, ‘Donald, STOP!‘”
