After being called an a-hole by his wife and her parents over his reaction while she was bedridden with a high-risk pregnancy, a man turns to Reddit to see if they’re right — and gets a passionately divided response.
A frustrated husband has turned to the internet for guidance after snapping at his wife, who is bedridden with a high-risk pregnancy, over her demands for his attention.
In a post shared to Reddit’s anonymous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) shared how things have been going to this point in their household, and the specific incident that proved too much for him — and led to both his wife and her parents calling him an a–hole.
With three votes already against him, he decided to see what others thought, which led to a surprising mix of reactions — and plenty of people getting labeled a–holes by the time it was through.
Read on to find out the full story, and why it left Reddit so divided!
“So here’s the thing, I (30M) and my wife (32F) are expecting our second baby, she’s having a high risk pregnancy so she’s bedridden, she’s been bedridden for 2 months now,” OP started his story.
As for himself, he wrote, “I have a remote job with incredibly flexible hours, so I’ve been taking care of my wife, my toddler, the house and my job during this time.”
With the household situation established, the anonymous author got to the crux of his frustration. “Lately, my wife is getting more ‘needy’ she asks for things that are too time consuming or asks me for things that are just distractions like, go to the store for ice cream, change my pillows, go play with the kid like I usually do,” he said.
She started crying and called me an a–hole, then called her parents who came and picked her up calling me an a–hole as well
OP then went on to explain why these things are such a problem, adding, “I asked her to let me work because lately I hadn’t been filling my 8 hours a day quota because of all the things she asks me to do, plus my job, plus cooking, plus taking care of the kid.”
On the day he finally turned to Reddit, OP said the final straw came during an hourlong meeting, where he’d asked her “top please don’t bother” him. “But somehow, she managed to generate a short circuit that fried the bedroom TV, panicked and made my kid panic and started bleeding from the stress,” he wrote.
He explained that the short happened because his wife “plugged in an electric mosquito swatter and spilled her water while it was turned on.”
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“I had to call the meeting short and got reprimanded at my job, had to check what else got damaged, calmed down my kid and cleaned up my wife,” he wrote. “I’m the sole bread earner at the house and money is tight, I got stressed about losing our main source of income and I snapped at her.”
According to OP, he “asked her what the hell was her problem and why did she need to make my life so hard. She started crying and called me an a–hole, then called her parents who came and picked her up calling me an a–hole as well.”
“I understand that pregnancy is hard and high risk pregnancy is harder, but I just asked for 1 hour not to be bothered, was that too much to ask?” OP asked Redditors. “Am I the a–hole?”
With the full complexity of the couple’s situation laid out, the top-rated post determined that no one is the a–hole in this situation. Rather, “It’s a very stressful situation for you all,” they noted, especially if the family’s insurance is rooted to OP’s job.
When they asked if they could get any child care assistance, OP commented, “I asked her parents but they were ‘busy’ (until tonight I guess) , my parents are too far away so I was on my own.” This didn’t sit well with some Redditors, though, who started speculating about the wife’s parents.
“Frankly this seems like parents ‘proving’ OP is nasty because they never liked him or some such,” one speculated wildly. “How else could you leave your daughter in a high risk pregnancy in such a stressful family environment and be too busy to help at all?”
if you’re not cut out for it, let her parents care for her and prepare for divorce
With everyone turning on the parents, one commenter mused, “Why is everyone assuming the in-laws are retired and at home all day? It’s quite possible OP’s in-laws are in the 50s with jobs of their own.” OP replied to confirm they are, in fact, both retired, “but my FIL is 73 and my MIL is 68. So, not the most active and able people in the world.”
“Let’s side eye the in laws,” commented one Redditor. “They could drop everything when OP and wife argue BUT not spare ANY time to come over / watch the kid for an hour / get the wife ice cream? OP is on the brink of losing his job because wife can’t wait / in laws can’t be bothered to help until now.”
Another commenter suggested that maybe the wife going to her parents’ house would help everyone in the short term, writing, “Let her stay over there for like a WEEK! Everyone gets a much needed break” … especially if the grandparents also took the couple’s other child.
One commenter spread out the love, agreeing that it’s more a stressful situation all around than any one party being in the wrong. “I’m saying ‘stressful’ not because it’s anyone’s fault, but circumstances are just not ideal all around. Being bed bound sucks,” they wrote. “Being financially responsible for a whole household, alone, sucks. Being a caretaker without reprieve sucks.”
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Still, there were some who questioned the extent of the wife’s interruptions of her husband during working hours. “Just because she would be doing these things herself if she wasn’t on bedrest doesn’t mean these things are important enough to disrupt his WORK, the only source of income for the entire household,” they wrote. “Interrupting your husband’s work because you want some ice cream? Get out of here.”
OP explained that his frustration stemmed from the fact his wife didn’t need the swatter, in this case, so it was more a matter of her boredom impacting his ability to work. “She just was bored and she was poking around the bed [to see] what could she do from there,” he wrote.
“Finally, I’m not sure where you live but here, tvs are expensive, so I just lost a tv I won’t be able to replace in months,” he continued. “And since it was her source of entertainment, guess who’ll have more time to think of things to waste my time on.”
That phrasing triggered one Redditor to comment, “Oh yikes OP. Idk what it going on but you need more help than reddit can provide. Because that right there is resentment and you need to deal with it ASAP.”
Interrupting your husband’s work because you want some ice cream? Get out of here
But not everyone had sympathy for OP, instead throwing all their support behind his bedridden, pregnant wife.
“She’s risking her life to give you a child,” one emphasized. “You need additional childcare if doing your job, ensuring your wife is comfortable, and caring for your child is too much. Or possibly to work in office while someone sits with her and the toddler. She’s asking for such minor things as to change her pillows (which takes like 60 seconds) and for you to engage with your toddler…if you’re not cut out for it, let her parents care for her and prepare for divorce.”
OP responded to this one, saying that it “makes me laugh that everyone always jumps right into divorce at the drop of a hat when they have an inconvenience.” He went on to note it’s not each individual thing, but “the accumulation of 100 little things during the day.” He reiterated their strapped financial situation, too, saying that hiring anyone to help is not an option.
One noted that they were leaning toward OP being TA, but the story about how she impacted a work meeting had them reconsider. “The situation has clearly gotten to a point where its really affecting your ability to provide for your family,” they wrote.
“I’d apologise for snapping like you did, but still have the conversation about what support she needs, what you are capable of doing for her whilst balancing your own responsibilities and what she can/needs to outsource to other family/friends.”
What do you think?
