Man Tells Mom He Won’t Help Around House Because It’s Woman’s Work

However, his reason for making the declaration and subsequently not participating in chores forced many a Redditor to begrudgingly side with him in the domestic dispute.

Why and how he achieved this dramatic reversal of public opinion is something you’ll have to see for yourself as it played out on the subreddit r/AmItheAsshole — a mostly anonymous forum where people share their real-world interpersonal conflicts and receive judgement from the internet.

See the full post and some of the reactions below!

“[AITA] and before you get mad from the title there’s context.

“So, I’m (28m) engaged to be married to my high-school sweetheart. Due to some financial insecurities we used to face we moved back with my parents for a little while until we were able to afford to rent an apartment. I’ve lived with my parents in the past of course, then moved out with my fiancée for 2 years. Now we’ve moved with my parents for a while until the house we want to rent is available which will be in 2 months.

“For context I have a married older sister who’s in the brink of divorce with her husband because he’s doing nothing around the house. He simply comes back from work and sits and plays until he goes to bed while my sister does all of the housework on top of her full time nursing job. My mom believes my sister is unreasonable for her demands towards her husband and believes it’s a woman’s job to do housework and cater to her husband even if she works a job. Also when I lived with my fiancée alone she’d always bad mouth my fiancée for ‘forcing me’ to help around the house and always said how as a woman she’s not taking proper care of me, her soon to be husband because I also cooked, cleaned, did chores etc. Even now that we live in my parents house, when we need to do laundry etc I don’t expect my fiancée to be the one to do it. I do it myself many times as well. My mom doesn’t like that and claims how my fiancée has me as a maid.

“Now despite all that, my mom demands that I help her around the house when it’s housework she wants to do. And I do, I always do my part since I live here but for her it’s never enough and I’m a lazy son who doesn’t care about helping his mother. After all the ridiculous stuff she’s said about my fiancée and my sister’s ‘traditional roles’ I told her than you know what? I’m not helping around. That’s a woman’s job remember? So don’t demand from me to help you with your chores since it’s a woman’s job and I’m a man. Ofc I keep defending my sister and I keep contributing equally to my fiancée and I’s chores. I just refuse to contribute any helping hands to my mother since she believes she’s entitled to help but my fiancée and sister are supposed to be maids.

“My mom has bad mouthed me to the entire family right now and whenever someone visits they scold me and call me an AH basically for being lazy and not helping out my mom. AITA for giving my mom a taste of her own medicine?”

Many Redditors admitted they first entered the comments to declare him YTA (you are the asshole) but upon reading his entire narrative ended up begrudgingly siding with him.

“I came here ready to say Y T A,” one commenter admitted. “But after reading all of this, I have to go with NTA [not the asshole]. You obviously don’t actually believe housework is a ‘woman’s job,’ and are simply using it to get her to stop with her hypocritical behavior, which seems to have gone over her head. What a whacky situation.”

While another echoed: “I was 100% sure you were the AH, but after actually reading your post, you are definitely NTA. I hope you get the chance to move out from your moms place soon. Good thing that you’re standing up to her BS. You will have to do that maaany more times though. Just keep standing your ground, she has way more to lose in this relationship, and you will grow enormously as a person.”

The echoes kept coming: “I was ready to vote YTA, but after reading your story it is a firm NTA.”

And yet another Redditor acknowledged the deft bait-and-switch of the OP’s post: “Lmao well done on the switcheroo cuz I laughed at the absurdity of the title like OF COURSE YOU ARE but after reading I am amused to say NTA”.

Meanwhile, one Redditor defended OP after a commenter attempted to call him out, writing, “He does his stuff along with his fiance, so he does contribute. Isn’t anything wrong denying his mom the help given how she bad mouths both his fiance and his sister for expecting equal partnership. Can’t have it both ways.”

“That’s the reason I did it,” OP replied. “I’ve had countless arguments with my mother about how her views on what women should ‘traditionally do’ are outdated and she calls me a snowflake and that I have no spine for letting a woman (my fiancée) boss me around and treat me as a maid. While at the same breath my mom wants to boss me around and treat me as a maid even during my job hours.”

What do you think?