Gayheart reflects on the moment she learned his diagnosis, how they told their daughters — one of whom saved him from nearly drowning — and her battles with insurance, finding 24/7 care and friends who haven’t “shown up” like she thought they would.
Rebecca Gayheart is opening up about her life since her estranged husband Eric Dane was diagnosed with ALS.
In a new op-ed for The Cut, the Jawbreaker actress, 54, makes it clear the two are “not a couple, we’re family,” as they face the challenges to come “together” following the Grey Anatomy star’s diagnosis. The pair share daughters Billie, 15, and Georgia, 15; though they split in September 2017, they never officially got divorced.
Speaking about their “very complicated relationship” in the new piece, Gayheart said she still cares “about him deeply,” adding that while they had a “really lovely marriage,” also “lots of s–t went crazy in our relationship, and it wasn’t good.”
“We separated, but we never got a divorce; we were about to and then we didn’t. We haven’t lived in the same home for eight years; he’s dated other people, I’ve dated someone. It’s a very complicated relationship, one that’s confusing for people,” wrote Gayheart.
“Our love may not be romantic, but it’s a familial love,” she continued. “Eric knows that I am always going to want the best for him. That I’m going to do my best to do right by him. And I know he would do the same for me. So whatever I can do or however I can show up to make this journey better for him or easier for him, I want to do that. And I want to model that for my girls: That’s what you do. That’s the right thing to do.”
She also said that spending more time together has been “really positive,” allowing their daughters to “see maybe a softer side of us” and “two adults who are trying to be mature and focus on what’s important.”
Recalling the moment she learned of Dane’s diagnosis, she said they first started noticing something was off about a year prior, as he struggled to use chopsticks and felt something was “wrong” with his hand. “When he told me that day, he just started weeping, as did I. It didn’t feel real because he was still okay,” said Gayheart, who revealed the pair told their daughters about a week later.
Calling ALS a “terrible, terrible disease,” Gayheart said it’s one that’s also very hard to prepare for — as just, some mornings, he’ll wake up and “there’s something else that is an obstacle, or he’s lost the ability to do one more thing — it just comes out of nowhere.”
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One such shock came while Dane was on a vacation with their daughter, Georgia, and while swimming, realized he couldn’t “generate enough power to get myself back to the boat.” Their daughter had to help him get back onto the boat, something Dane told Diane Sawyer left him feeling “heartbroken.”
“My phone kept ringing in the middle of the night because of the time-zone difference, and when I picked up, he had just gotten back on the boat. It was a pretty sad conversation: I was gutted hearing how upset he was,” recalled Gayheart. “I was also scared; I wanted to make sure Georgia was okay — I was worried about all of them, to be honest with you. He was just so emotional — Eric played water polo, water’s his thing — and I knew that it landed, it hit home. It was a big realization for him: This is actually happening.”
Since he revealed his diagnosis in April, Gayheart said the massive support she’s felt has been “a little overwhelming,” before opening up a bit more about their current dynamic.
“This year, the girls and I have spent a lot of time at Eric’s house, which is about a 12-minute drive away from our home. We have a lot of meals together. We do a lot of drop-by visits … We wanna take advantage of the time that he has right now,” she shared. “He made it very clear that he wants to spend time with his family as much as possible, and I am committed to facilitating that. That was an easy conversation to have. Some of the harder conversations — about down the line, two or three years from now, what does that look like? — we haven’t really started to have, or we sort of touched on them, but they are just too sad.”
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Per Gayheart, Dane has 24/7 nurses, something she only got covered by health insurance after two appeals. She said that, when there are shifts a nurse can’t cover, she steps in — and has also called on “two of Eric’s friends” to help out when she once needed 12 hours covered.
While those two “did a wonderful job,” she also said she’s noticed “there are a lot of people who used to be more present in my life who I think about and wonder, Where’d they go?”
“Most people are not great in this situation because it’s so heavy. It’s not easy for people. So I don’t hold any grudges toward who hasn’t shown up,” she wrote, adding, “It’s funny, like, Oh my God, that person who I never would’ve imagined has really been helpful — and this person who I thought would be by my side every day hasn’t called me in six months.”
Gayheart said she hasn’t spent too much time focusing on her own emotions just yet, but explained she’s emphasized with her daughters the importance of self care. She also acknowledged it’s okay for her to “possibly have my own life … My own happiness, goals, romance” — adding, “I know I’m gonna be judged for saying that, but I think it’s important for my girls to see that yes, we can do this and we can do that.”
Read the full piece at The Cut.
Eric Dane’s Wife Says Their Daughters Are ‘Suffering’ Amid His ALS Battle
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