Saturday Night Live opened again with Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson), this time with the president trying to make it through an Air Force One press gaggle having used Adderall and Ambien.
“Could you comment on the latest batch of Epstein photos released by House Democrats?” one reporter asked him.
Johnson’s Trump responded, “Look, the fact is, these photos are a fake news Democrat hoax.”
The reporter pressed him again, “Well, even the picture of a bowl of condoms with your face on them and the text saying, ‘I’m huge.’ ”
Trump responded, “They were 100% legit. I love those files. I’m in the files. I took a lot of great pictures.”
In fact, a new batch of Epstein photos actually were released on Friday by Democrats on the House Oversight Committee.
In the sketch, Trump speaks to the press as he peeks through a curtain on Air Force One, repeatedly leering at his press secretary Karoline Leavitt (Ashley Padilla).
Among other things, reporters pressed Trump on the U.S. strikes on alleged Venezuelan drug boats. The situation escalated this week after the U.S. also seized a Venezuelan oil tanker.
Responding to a reporter’s question about the seizure, Trump did “the weave,” or when he gives a meandering, stream-of-consciousness comment.
“Yes, we’re doing pirate now,” Trump said. “Arghh!”
Trump went on, “You know, it’s interesting. Last week, I said Somalis were garbage, and now we’re stealing the ships. Ironic, isn’t it? Alanis, she’s great in Dogma. With regard to danger, you know, I’m captain now. Remember that, Captain Phillips. ‘I’m Captain.’ I love that line. You know Captain Phillips, one of my favorite captains, after Crunch! Hoops, all berries. Why do you say hoops? I prefer it. I prefer when it’s all Crunch Berries. Oh, me thinks Ambien has pulled into the lead. Don’t worry. Adderall is still in the race.”
When asked about continuing to carry out the boat strikes, Trump said that they are expanding it to planes as well. He then showed reporters declassified video from a strike — the “plane” target is actually Santa and his reindeer, and soon St. Nicholas and his sleigh are blown up.
“Is that Santa?” a reporter asked.
“Not anymore. Next question,” Trump said.
“Mr. President, do you have any comments on the potential sale of Warner Bros to Netflix?”
“I don’t know why anyone wants Warner Brothers. They got one of the worst studio lot tours in L.A. You go on that thing and it’s just some kid pointing to a tree. ‘Oh, that’s the tree from Pretty Little Liars.’ … I want to go to the Gilmore Girls gazebo. Let’s go there. Or the Batman museum.”
Leavitt called an end to the gaggle after the Epstein questions.
“The president really needs to rest,” she told reporters.
Oh, it’s true. I have to begin my pre-bedtime self-care ritual, putting a bandage on my hand and covering it with makeup, then adding more layers of bandage and makeup. It’s a medical lasagna. Mamma mia! We should all be very worried about my health I’m very ill, then I will brush my teeth before drifting off and dream about Karoline’s mouth.”
Watch the sketch above.
