Victoria Beckham Details Eating Disorder Battle, ‘Unhealthy Way’ She Controlled Weight

In her new eponymous Netflix docuseries, which dropped on Thursday, the former Spice Girls member detailed her battle with an eating disorder and the pressure she felt to be thin, while also recalling how she controlled her weight in an “incredibly unhealthy way.”

Victoria — who shares Brooklyn, 26, Romeo, 23, Cruz, 20, and Harper, 14, with husband David Beckham — brought up how she was asked to step on a scale on live television in the ’90s to reveal her post-baby weight.

“I was weighed on national television when Brooklyn was six months old,” she recalled in the doc. “‘Get on those scales’ on television. ‘Have you lost the weight?’ And we laugh about it and we joke about it when we’re on television, but I was really, really young and that hurts.”

Victoria — who was 25 when Brooklyn was born — said the public comments about her weight made her start to “doubt myself and not like myself.”

“I let it affect me,” she admitted. “I didn’t know what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Was I fat? Was I thin? I don’t know, you lose all sense of reality. I was just very critical of myself. I didn’t like what I saw.”

“I’ve been everything from Porky Posh to Skinny Posh. I mean, you know, it’s been a lot and that’s hard,” she added.

The fashion designer said that since she wasn’t able to “control” the media, she began to “control” her appearance, specifically her weight, noting that she did not do it in a healthy way.

“I had no control over what was being written about me, pictures that were being taken and I suppose I wanted to control that,” Victoria recalled. “I could control it with the clothing, I could control my weight. And I was controlling it in an incredibly unhealthy way.”

“When you have an eating disorder, you become very good at lying,” she continued. “And I was never honest about it with my parents. I never talked about it publicly. It really affects you when you’re being told constantly you’re not good enough. And I suppose that’s been with me my whole life.”

The mom of four shared that she still struggles with body image issues.

“The minute I see a camera, I change. The barrier goes up, my armor goes on, and that’s when the miserable cow that doesn’t smile, that’s when she comes out. And I’m so conscious of that,” Victoria said. “And I don’t like that, I’d rather not be that person. I’d love to have the confidence to walk out of a restaurant and smile or stand on a red carpet and smile. But I just can’t do it.”

Victoria Beckham — a three-part documentary series — follows Victoria as she “prepares for the fashion show of her life,” per Netflix.

“From the teenager who restyled her school uniform, to the Spice Girl who fought to be accepted by a notoriously demanding fashion industry, Victoria Beckham is the story of resilience, reinvention and self-discovery,” the streamer added in a press release.

For the doc’s premiere, Victoria was joined by David, and their kids, Romeo, Cruz, and Harper, along with the Spice Girls’ Geri Halliwell, Emma Bunton, and Melanie “Mel C” Chisolm. Melanie “Mel B” Brown was noticeably absent. However, according to the America’s Got Talent judge’s recent Instagram posts, she’s currently in Los Angeles preparing for the Red Bull Dance Your Style World Final.

In the docuseries, Victoria opened up about how Mel B allegedly made a remark that “upset” her, and also reflected on reuniting with the girl group for the 2008 tour. See what she said, here.

See photos from the premiere in the gallery, below.

Victoria Beckham is streaming now on Netflix.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, get help. Contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.