Introversion can be a superpower for creative people who need to build worlds in their heads, like actors and musicians. But how do these high-profile introverts navigate the trickier business of being social?
When writing my book, The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving the House, I was surprised to discover all kinds of tricks introverts use to appear more outgoing.
So let the red carpet be your blackboard as we absorb the lessons from these A-listers and chart-toppers.
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Hayley Williams takes long breaks to recharge
Slipping into a larger-than-life rock-star persona is actually perfect for people who struggle with small talk and social etiquette, because it’s easier to play at being someone else. But they still need to take time out to recharge.
Hayley Williams, who fronts Paramore, identifies as an introvert. She told the BBC that the band took a four-year break because they needed to reflect and think, before coming back refreshed for a new album.
Apply it to your life: We all have a social battery life. Unlike extroverts, who feel recharged around other people, introverts can feel drained and need to recharge by being on their own. So the battery is a useful metaphor if you need to explain to others why you need time out.
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Robert Pattinson makes awkward his schtick
Socially anxious Twilight ‘throb Robert would rather make stuff up in interviews than reveal his true self to nosy journalists.
He told UK paper Metro he got rid of his stalker by taking her out to dinner, whereupon she was so bored that she never came back.
He also made headlines for telling another interviewer he was afraid of circuses ever since seeing a clown die in a clown-car accident as a child.
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Apply it to your life: Being awkward can be endearing if you embrace it; think about it – so many comedians ham up their socially awkward side, to lucrative effect.
If your humour is similarly ‘offbeat’, know that you’re not alone and double down.
Chappell Roan has strong boundaries
Chappell’s queer-positive, sex-positive music may speak to the hearts of her fans, but she’s also an intensely private person who gets creeped out when people ambush her during her down-time.
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She called fans out in some intense TikTok posts, saying: “I don’t give a f–k if you think it’s selfish of me to say no for a photo … or for a hug … I’m allowed to say no to creepy behaviour, OK?”
Apply it to your life: People-pleasers, this one’s for you. It’s OK to clean out your friend-closet every now and then. If there are people who feel their needs should come before yours, they’re not going to change.
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Billie Eilish makes shyness her creative inspiration
The shy singer told the podcast T Electronic Beats that during the pandemic, she enjoyed the opportunity to be “lonerish”, admitting she hadn’t wanted to be FaceTiming her friends like everyone else.
This revelation warrants a re-read of her 2018 single Come Out and Play, which seemed to be addressing a shy creative friend – “I know it makes you nervous / But I promise you, it’s worth it / To show ’em everything you kept inside / Don’t hide” – but was the message actually to herself?
Apply it to your life: Introverted people are natural overthinkers, which means they have the ability to hold a whole universe in their heads: great for solo creative projects, be it an interior decorating project or writing an album.
We just have to be mindful to divert our thoughts into creativity, rather than worrying about what other people think.
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Nicole Kidman has her safe place (and her safe person)
In an interview with InStyle in 2019, Nicole Kidman admitted to being “deeply sensitive”, particularly when it comes to handling “exterior stress or toxicity”, so she has deliberately made her home with Keith Urban a very nourishing place to which to retreat.
“I love my work, and I can push through in different places and explore things, but if you look at my Myers-Briggs [personality] test, yes, I definitely qualify as an introvert,” she said.
Apply it to your life: Introverts often have their one or two people that they can completely be themselves with, no holds barred. Cherish those people and equally your own home. It’s with them that you can recharge every time the outside world feels a bit hectic.
The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving the House, by Jenny Valentish, is published by Affirm Press.
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