Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of Ethan Slater, penned a powerful essay on navigating her life as a clinical psychologist following her divorce.
In 2023, Ethan made headlines with his Wicked costar after their relationship was made public shortly after reports of Ariana’s divorce from ex Dalton Gomez. A few days later, it was reported that Ethan had filed for divorce from his high school sweetheart Lilly, with whom he shares a toddler.
Lilly kept quiet throughout the public fallout, save for reportedly telling Page Six, “[Ariana’s] the story really. Not a girl’s girl. My family is just collateral damage.”
In her piece for the Cut, Lilly wrote, “I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity. In this season of shock and mourning, over a year after the end of my marriage was made public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health.”
Noting that she deactivated her Facebook before she turned 18, Lilly discussed the importance in her own personal life remaining somewhat of a blank slate when it came to treating patients. As for being married to an actor on the rise, she wrote, “It was a tenuous balance — my profession, which requires privacy, and his, which is measured in applause — but it worked well while life was unfolding according to our plans.”
After a difficult labor, which involved a “life-threatening birth complication,” Lilly said, “I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
“Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind. In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” she continued.
“Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child. While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not,” she added. “Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided. As for me, days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.”
“If I can’t be invisible anymore, I may as well introduce myself. You know how a sponge is most effective at absorbing liquid when it’s already a bit wet? Maybe we can think about my messy not-so-personal life in that way: a dose of my own loss, rage, powerlessness, sadness that helps me hold yours,” the essay continued. “So consider this essay my message in a bottle sent out to sea to maybe wash up at my patients’ feet someday: I’m sorry I can’t be invisible anymore.”
You can read the full essay here.
