In midlife and beyond, we’re led to believe that dwindling libido coupled with hectic lives and long-term, comfortable relationships, results in a less active sex life. Indeed, 70-year-old influencer Jo Good admitted on HELLO!’s Second Act podcast that she “glazes over” when sex is mentioned. For the amorously minded among us, this can feel disheartening – but we have good news for anyone still smitten with the idea of an active love life in midlife and beyond. New stats courtesy of dating app DateMyAge suggest sex can actually improve with age. Of the 1,000 people over 50 surveyed, 52% claimed they’re having better sex than ever.
One person who supports this notion is HELLO! columnist Rosie Green, 51, who says she found her sexual mojo after 40. “My sexual awakening came post-divorce,” she says. “Knowing I was (hopefully) going to experience sex with someone new, I forced myself to get over the cringe of discussing it. I read about it, talked to friends and to partners. I wanted to get rid of the shame and embarrassment I’d carried around it. And to enjoy it! And now I do.” Another woman enjoying sex to the fullest in later life is 69-year-old content creator Tina Pemberton: “A sexual reawakening is possible at any time. A lot of people think sex stops as you get older, but while you might not look the same, you still feel the same.”
Olympian Michelle Griffith Robinson, 53, echoed Tina’s thoughts during her appearance on HELLO!’s Second Act podcast. “My sex life is very, very healthy,” she told host Ateh Jewel. “My friends are like, ‘Michelle, you’re embarrassing. Don’t even tell us,’ but I’ve got a beautiful husband who likes sex, and I also enjoy having sex.”
Sex positivity
Sex positivity at any age is the mission of Anna Richards, founder of ethical porn site FrolicMe. “When I turned 50, I reaffirmed my belief that I could still be a sexual woman in midlife,” Anna tells HELLO! “I saw that age didn’t need to define my outlook, reduce my ability to still feel attractive and desired, or reduce my interest in sexual satisfaction and pleasure.
‘Your 50s are a wonderful time to engage with your own pleasure’
“There is a misconception that women over 50 are less interested in sex. In reality, we are seeing that women are far more empowered to explore their own sexuality and this in turn leads to them understanding how to have better sex.
“Your 50s are a wonderful time to engage with your own pleasure, allowing you to be more mindful of what you enjoy with fewer inhibitions. I feel my 50s are a gloriously rich time both emotionally, physically and intellectually. I feel far more liberated and carefree, and this certainly translates into my sex life.”
Here, we explore exactly why sex can be better than ever in midlife…
1. We know what we want
“By the time we reach our 50s, we have a clear understanding of what we want and what we don’t,” says relationship expert and therapist Jaime Bronstein. “Unlike our younger selves, we aren’t afraid to communicate. It’s empowering to use your voice, honour your feelings and needs, and share what you are looking for.”
2. We have a healthier body image
Our comfort in our own bodies is a key reason sex can be more fulfilling as we age. “People who have experienced the evolution of beauty standards understand how temporary these trends are,” says Jaime. “Thinness in one era, curves in another, shaved versus natural, or heavily styled versus casual. We’ve seen so many trends come and go that we realise we’re not meant to fit any mould. We ditch the trends and embrace the beauty of the body – whatever it looks like. Self-love and self-confidence kick in, and it’s life changing. Shame and insecurities make way for self-assurance – and not only does this confidence improve our lives, it’s also attractive and sexy!”
Rosie Green agrees: “When you are young, self-doubt about how your body looks can creep in. [You’re] so hung up on being hairy or pale, or not supermodel perfect, that the entire experience [of sex] is fraught with anxiety. Now I give less of a stuff about what I look like. I think more about my pleasure than I do about whether my bum looks awful.”
It’s shedding of inhibitions that creates a greater sex life, according to Anna. “Body confidence, which is associated with sexual functioning, is shown to increase with age among women. Having more body confidence can translate to more exploration, greater adventurousness and better sex. I am far more at ease within my own body which adds to a greater inner self-assurance. Age does bring about fewer inhibitions, which adds to a great spirit of curiosity while equally I feel more at ease exploring pleasures with an open mind.”
3. Other people’s opinions don’t matter
“The passing years grant us freedom from external judgment,” says Jaime Bronstein. “As time passes, external voices lose their importance in your life. You care less. You stop obsessing so much about what others think, and truly embrace what you really want, truly enjoying every aspect of your life and living it to the fullest without the unnecessary weight. Life is short, and for whatever reason, the inspiration to live it well and focus on what makes you happy doesn’t happen until you get a little older.”
Rosie adds: “When you are older, you give less of a stuff. Or I do anyway. And I have real-life friendships with women who are having great sex in their 60s and 70s, so I don’t see why I won’t be enjoying ‘it’ for decades to come.”
4. We’re happy to experiment
Anna points out that studies show 45- to 64-year-olds are the most likely age group to own sex toys. “I can understand why. I love to use sex toys and accessories to heighten the moment and add to a sense of sexual adventurousness.” Anna believes a greater willingness to experiment has an ancillary benefit too. “You are keen to focus only on what truly excites or satisfies you. Knowing what you want in bed adds to overall confidence in life.”
