Back when television meant three American networks and two Canadian ones, virtually everyone was aware of everything on TV. Even if you didn’t like or watch a particular show, chances are you knew about it. And one of the things that may have seeped into your mind was a show’s theme song.
Even when the number of channels and programs expanded, TV theme songs were ubiquitous, with many of them becoming top 40 hits (Theme from SWAT, The Rockford Files, Greatest American Hero, Peter Gunn, Hawaii Five-O, Miami Vice, etc.) that generated additional awareness and cash.
There’s a subgenre of music fans who love the subject of TV themes, the kind who were delighted when multi-volume collections like the Television’s Greatest Hits series (via the Tee-Vee Toons label) started appearing in 1985. I wonder if those aficionados know these stories.
The Twilight Zone
The original theme from Rod Serling’s anthology series has been covered many times. You’re probably humming it right now. It’s based on four dissonant guitar notes that signal that what we’re about to see is strange and disturbing.
The origin of the theme itself is a little disturbing. In an attempt at union busting and saving money, CBS decided not to commission a new composition for the show. Instead, it found two different pieces of stock music from the CBS library and spliced them together. The composer of that stock music, Marius Constant, was paid nothing beyond the one-off payment he got for creating it.
This was the original music for the program when it first appeared on Oct. 2, 1959, and used for the first season. The composer was Bernard Herrmann, an Academy Award-winning orchestrator whose career began in the ’40s and ended with Taxi Driver in 1976.
The spliced version that included Constant’s work was used for the second season onwards. The guitarist is Howard Roberts, a jazz player, using a 1952 Fender Telecaster.
Gilligan’s Island
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If you’re of a certain vintage, you can probably sing the entire theme about the SS Minnow and its doomed three-hour tour right now. Written by producer Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle, it was performed by a group called The Wellingtons (for the first season) and The Eligibles (every season thereafter). But when Sherwood Schwartz got the go-ahead for the pilot in 1964, he began with a different approach. He hired a young TV composer named John Williams — yes, the Jaws/Star Wars/Close Encounters/Harry Potter/etc. guy) to come up with an opening number.
He went the calypso route — a bit odd, given that the SS Minnow sailed out of Hawaii and not anywhere in the Caribbean. The pilot was never aired and the original theme song was forgotten — until the internet came along.
The Munsters
This theme, composed by Jack Marshal, was created by deliberately riffing off the Twilight Zone theme while adding a little Duane Eddy-inspired surf guitar. It was so popular that it was nominated for a Grammy in 1965 (it didn’t win). And there are lyrics written by series co-producer Bob Mosher. About the only place they can be heard is on a 1964 Munsters sing-along album.
Star Trek: The Original Series
Another classic. Creator Gene Roddenberry hired Alexander Courage, a composer and orchestrator for film, to come up with something appropriate for a galaxy-spanning five-year mission. Officially called Where No Man Has Gone Before, it’s famous for the William Shatner monologue declaring space to be the final frontier.
Then Roddenberry got sneaky. To ensure that he was also paid for the theme (a theme he paid to commission), he, too, wrote some unnecessary lyrics — unbeknownst to Courage. That way, Roddenberry could be credited as a co-writer and receive royalties every time the show aired. He may have been a visionary TV producer, but a lyricist he wasn’t.
Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand’ring in star-flight
I know
He’ll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me.
Wow. Not good. To my knowledge, a full version has never been released, though Lt. Uhura sings this in a DC Comics issue of Star Trek.
Cheers
Whenever I hear the opening theme from Cheers, I immediately shout out “NORM!” And hey, who doesn’t want to hang out at a place where everybody knows your name? This iconic theme was the work of Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart-Angelo. It took a while to get it right in terms of arrangement and instrumentation, but they eventually came up with one of the most beloved TV themes of all time. Here’s the original version.
Friends
In another universe, constant repeats of Friends are running with the producers’ original choice for the opening theme: Shiny Happy People by R.E.M. Michael Stipe, probably to his never-ending regret, turned down the offer, losing out on millions upon millions of dollars in royalties. That money went to The Rembrandts instead for I’ll Be There for You. Even then, The Rembrandts (who didn’t write the song) didn’t want the gig. But because they were the only band available on Warner Bros. Records, they were strong-armed into recording it. The iconic handclaps were a last-second addition.
Try to imagine this opening every episode of Friends.
Ridiculousness
The video blooper show seems to be the only thing running on MuchMusic these days. The endless repeats are great news to Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo. As a composer of music for film and TV, he was asked to come up with something quick for the show and decided to rework an old Devo song called Uncontrollable Urge, the lead-off track from their 1978 debut album, Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!
Mothersbaugh now makes more than US$1 million a year from this bit of, er, ridiculousness. He makes more money from that than anything else. Nice work if you can get it, right?
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