James Van Der Beek is sharing what he has learned about himself from being diagnosed with cancer.
The actor, who revealed his stage three colorectal cancer diagnosis last November, shared his insights on suffering from the disease on the occasion of his 48th birthday.
Watch the video above
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The Dawson’s Creek star shared a frank video with fans, explaining how his diagnosis affected every aspect of his life, not just his physical form.
“When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, which was never all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband and it was much better and then I became a father and that was the ultimate,” he reflected, speaking of his wife Kimberly and the six children they share.
“I could define myself then as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we’re so lucky to live on. And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition to the question, ‘Who am I? What am I?'”
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“And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me,” he revealed.
When he was undergoing treatment he was not strong enough to be helpful to his wife, pick up his children, be a provider since he wasn’t working, and could not even tend to the land of the ranch located in Austin, Texas the family of eight call home.
“I was faced with the question, If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment with cancer, what am I?” he said.
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For the 48-year-old, the answer was in religion. After meditating, he shared his revelation: ”I am worthy of God’s love simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?”
The actor felt compelled to share his realisation with his fans, as “it came to me was in no small part to all the prayers and the love that had been directed toward me.”
He acknowledged that religion can be a trigger for some, with the Varsity Blues star encouraging, “You can take the word God out in your mind and it can simply be ‘I am worthy of love.’ Because you are.”
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The actor was forced to reveal his diagnosis in November after a media outlet threatened to leak the news, apologising to family who had to hear it from the media rather than himself directly.
“I’ve been privately dealing with this diagnosis and have been taking steps to resolve it, with the support of my incredible family,” Van Der Beek told People, who he had exclusively shared the news with.
Van Der Beek shares Olivia, 14, Joshua, 12, Annabel, 10, Emilia, eight, Gwen, six, and Jeremiah, three with his wife Kimberly Van Der Beek.
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