Paulina Porizkova has revealed she wanted to die after her ex-husband Ric Ocasek’s passed unexpectedly in 2019.
Ocasek was one of the lead vocalists in the band the Cars, and died on September 15 that year. Ocasek’s death occurred two weeks after he’d undergone surgery, though Porizkova later claimed the surgery was not the reason for his death.
Now the model, 57, has opened up about what grieving her husband was really like, in an interview with Page Six.
”It’s not even so much that I thought about how to kill myself or when to kill myself – it was just that feeling of, ‘I just don’t know how to go on. I can’t do this anymore. … I just want to go away. I can’t bear waking up tomorrow morning, being the same person with the same feelings. I can’t carry it anymore,'” she said.
She added, “I mean, how many people wouldn’t [think about it], you know?”
Porizkova and Ocasek had a tricky relationship prior to his death, having just separated a year earlier.
The pair had been married for 28 years and shared two children, Jonathan, now 29, and Oliver, now 24, when they decided to split in 2018.
But at the time of Ocasek’s death, the entire family was still living together.
It came as a massive blow then, when Porizkova discovered as they were organising her ex-husband’s funeral, that he’d cut her out of his will.
“I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova… as we are in the process of divorcing,” the rocker wrote in his last wishes.
“Even if I should die before our divorce is final… Paulina is not entitled to any elective share… because she has abandoned me.”
In the interview, which promotes Porizkova’s new collection of essays, No Filter: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful, Porizkova revealed the hurt that came from that discovery, calling it a “betrayal”.
“It was really, really hard because obviously, first of all, you’re grieving a person that has been your whole life, the most important person in your life… there was so much pain just stacked up on top of each other… and then this betrayal was a lot,” she said.
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