Prince Harry has revealed how he wasn’t given “permission” to grieve following the tragic death of his mother, Princess Diana.
The Duke of Sussex, 42, joined neuroscientist Dr Mary-Frances O’Connor for an incredibly moving discussion about grief with MasterClass, filmed in California earlier this summer and published on Thursday.
Speaking to Dr Mary-Frances, professor of clinical psychology and psychiatry at the University of Arizona, Harry described the process of his grief after losing his mother at just 12 years old.
The Prince told how he “didn’t cry” when Diana died in a car crash in Paris in 1997, nor did he for nearly 20 years afterwards.
© MasterClassDuring the episode, titled Redefining Grief: Building Resilience Through Loss, he said: “I was convinced that was strength, but it wasn’t. It was a 12-year-old boy with no permission to fall apart and no roadmap for how to heal.
“You would think I had the best help in the world. I’m a Prince for God’s sake, but I was still grieving and didn’t have any place to put those feelings.”
In the end, Harry said therapy sessions finally gave him “permission to grieve” and enabled him to work through his feelings.
Harry joined the military to ‘outrun his feelings’
Harry continued: “For 15, 20 years, when I was being asked, ‘Are you okay?’ My response was, ‘I’m fine.’ It was numbness, emotional shutdown. And without knowing it, adrenaline was pushing me, was driving me.”
“It was the driving force of what took me to joining the military at the age of 20. It was the perfect distraction. I couldn’t really think about much else apart from the task at hand
“I couldn’t remember my mum’s laugh. I couldn’t remember what she looked like. I felt like I had to be sad in order to prove to her that I missed her.”
© GettyHarry joined the British Army and went to war in his 20s, “thinking I could outrun my feelings”.
But when he returned from Afghanistan in 2013, he realised it had been a “trigger for other traumas“.
“I’d spent so long emotionally numb to a large extent because nobody told me joy was still allowed. That it wasn’t betrayal,” he said.
© Getty ImagesHe described wanting to protect Diana’s legacy, saying: “Everything I do, everything I put my energy towards, I hope that my mother will be proud about it.”
Prince Harry’s biggest revelations from his MasterClass interview
Harry’s discussion also featured revelations about his time in the royal family before stepping down as a senior royal in 2020, and about home life with his wife and children.
The father of two said he experienced two weeks of depression after moving to Canada with Meghan Markle and their son, Prince Archie, in 2019.
He also confessed to having an “absolute panic” before attending royal engagements in the past.
© Tim Graham Photo Library via Getty ImagesHarry also said he has a 10-day rule when it comes to his family, spending no more than that amount of time away from his wife, Meghan Markle, and children Archie and Princess Lilibet.
His MasterClass discussion is intended to help people cope with grief and reduce stigma.
It comes two weeks after Harry’s uncle, Earl Spencer, reflected on his own heartbreak after losing his sister in his memoir, Swan Song: Diana, My Sister.
Next year marks the 30th anniversary of the late Princess of Wales’s death, and some reports suggest Harry could be working on a documentary in her memory.
