“My entire personality changed. I became an angry person. I became someone that I don’t even recognize,” Neeley says in a new TikTok recalling her experiences as a victim of abuse.
The Secret Live of Mormon Wives star Mayci Neeley dropped a new video on TikTok that she said she’d been sitting on for about a month. It kicked off with the statement, “First and foremost, trigger warning,” as she goes on to discuss her experiences with domestic abuse and sexual assault.
The reality star went on to share that she is an “advocate” for victims of abuse, revealing that she’s been tagged in videos about both DV and SA “because obviously, I have experienced that.”
She went on with a message for other survivors, saying, “When you are a victim, even I know to never compare my situation to another victim, because they’re not the same.”
Domestic abuse is as much psychological as it physical, in most cases, which can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and confusing choices to those on the outside, such as when they might go back.
Neeley weighed in on this from her personal story, saying, “I think one of the things I want to speak on, too, is about how women go back to their abusers.”
In her case, she said her alleged abuser was overt in his tactics to keep her under his control, even after she’d purportedly endured being shoved, choked, and sexually assaulted, according to her video. She said that she stayed, simply, “because I was being blackmailed.”
Neeley went on to explain, “My abuser would threaten to get me kicked out of my university because they had a strict honor code.” The Secret Lives star said that he threatened to send photos of her drinking to the university in an effort to get her expelled were she to leave or come forward.
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She also believes Stockholm Syndrome was a factor in her deciding to stay as long as she did. Stockholm Syndrome is defined by Simple Psychology as “a psychological phenomenon where captives develop positive feelings towards their captors. It’s primarily associated with hostage situations and kidnappings, though it can occur in various abusive contexts.”
While blatant blackmail was a massive alleged factor in her personal situation, Neeley went on to emphasize that “the abuser can maybe be holding financials over their head, could be isolating them, periods of good behavior and bad behavior.”
She also felt opened up about women going back due to a “lack of self-esteem, because these abusers tear them down time and time again, so they have no self esteem,” or can even “think that they deserve it or think that they can’t get anyone better, and so they stay because they don’t feel they have any other option.”
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Neeley then shifted to talking about how an abusive relationship can sneak up on a person incrementally. “It’s like this toxic cycle where these small things that happen at the beginning of the relationship, they’re like, maybe a small red flag,” she explained. “Those become your everyday life when you’re in these relationships and you don’t even notice them after a while.”
“There’s so much more psychological abuse and so many mental aspects of this that I can’t even put into words that make you feel so crazy when you’re going through it,” the reality star added.
In her case, she admitted that through her own experience as a victim of abuse, “My entire personality changed. I became an angry person. I became someone that I don’t even recognize.”
She also conceded that “before I was ever in an abusive relationship, I would look at it and be like, ‘Yeah, get out.'” HelpGuide.org emphasizes that it can be extremely difficult for victims to leave these relationships “when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.”
“It does not make sense unless you have been in it,” Neeley insisted.
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She called her personal experience triggering, adding that “filming through it while pregnant, and then going through it, doing a reunion postpartum, it hasn’t been super fun, especially because I actually haven’t been able to share my story of DV or SA on the show.”
The MomTok star went on to defend the perception of her as a “fence-rider” on the show, saying she tries not to stir the pot — despite what some fans see — because “I’ve been through some real s–t.”
“When you go through some stuff like that, the he-said/she-said fights, drama don’t really matter a ton to me. The only times I feel I do speak up or are a little more aggressive is when toxic men are involved,” referencing the first episode of Season 3.
“If you are a victim, this triggering for you, I see you, I hear you, I’m with you, and I love you guys, and thanks for listening,” she concluded her message, after plugging her upcoming book Told You So, which goes into more of her personal story. It’s scheduled for release October 7.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages; Calls are confidential and toll-free.
The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline — 800.656.HOPE (4673) — provides free, 24/7 support for those in need.
