The surprising reason that Rob Liefeld will never appear on Dancing With The Stars

It all started innocently enough. Rob Liefeld was sitting on the curmudgeonly side of the couch last night and tweeted “Finding out how many people I know watch Dancing With The Stars is the biggest disappointment of my night.” Most of the responses were the ass-kissing kind you’d expect on a celebrity’s social media; people coming out of the woodwork to declare basically have no fear, Rob, they too do not watch Dancing With The Stars, or The Masked Singer either for that matter, since we’re on the subject, and they also cannot fathom why other people do. 

One response that stood out was by media critic and former The Beat writer Edward Douglas, who replied, “Don’t worry, Rob. They’ll get to you eventually :)”. Rob, of course, let that slide right by and the world kept on turning. Just kidding. Rob retweeted Ed, and dropped this bombshell. “Trust me, I turned down Survivor, they contacted me in 2011, and Amazing Race, 2012, same circumstances. Never happening.”

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Y’all, my Wednesday was not ready for this. The biggest thing on my mind today was figuring out a time to pick up Absolute Wonder Woman #1 from the shop. Just the retweet itself is occupying large parts of my brain. Douglas’s tweet was a quick joke, but Rob retweeted it, as Rob does, like a company needing to get ahead of a breaking news story. The “Never happening” especially. Just in case any of you Survivor or Amazing Race producers out there are thinking he changed his mind a dozen or so years later, nope. NEVER HAPPENING.

It’s funny that DWTS caught Rob’s ire last night, but mostly because you never know what will. The guy is on social media a lot, and he’s never been one to hold back an opinion. And I’m not saying that as a bad thing. Part of the secret to the success of his podcast, Robservations, is that he has a lot of opinions and he’s very willing to share them. You never know what reply to one of this tweets will get a hard edged retweet, but they’re a mainstay of his Twitter feed. Why reply when you can quote tweet? He’s the man with both the thickest skin and the thinnest skin in all of comics. 

For what it’s worth, I think Rob Liefeld would kick so much ass on either Survivor or The Amazing Race. Have you seen Rob? Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons he is not. Dude is fit. Dude is ripped! He is in his 50s with a body that guys in their 30s would strive for. Both Survivor and The Amazing Race are very physical, and I have no doubt he would excel on either.

I’ve never seen him dance, so I can’t say whether or not he’d be great on Dancing With The Stars. But he is athletic, and charismatic. He has experience being in front of a camera, and has a strong personality. Not to mention, he has professional actors in his family, so he probably has access to some top notch choreographers, and would go into day one with better, ahem, footwork than most of his competitors, so…OH MAN, ROB LIEFELD WOULD PROBABLY BE GREAT ON DANCING WITH THE STARS TOO. Look, I’m not saying he would take it all, but he would definitely last longer than Anna Delvey and Eric Roberts. I’d go so far as to say that if Rob Liefeld was on Dancing With The Stars, he’d finish in the top 3, at least! But, you know, NEVER HAPPENING.

I did not set out for this to be an open letter to Rob Liefeld to agree to be on Dancing With The Stars, but life takes you in unforeseen directions sometimes, and here we are. Rob, please remove that NEVER and make it HAPPENING. I’d vote for you every week. I’m #dancingwiththerob.

Dancing With The Stars airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC and Disney+. Rob Liefeld’s Twitter account updates constantly.